Saturday 21 December 2013

Matthew Collins infected with feline parasite T Gondi





Things have gone from bad to worse at Hope Not Hate, with ever dwindling funds and support it has now emerged that Matthew Collins is infected with the cat excrement parasite T Gondi.  The parasite alters behaviour and causes delayed reactions to danger.  It is believed that Collins is now infected with the parasite after catching it from his pet cat that catches cockroaches in Collins bed sit in Whitechapel.  Matthew has now been exhibiting bizarre behaviour  and on one occasion was caught inhaling cat excrement that he had put in a plastic bag, when Matthew was confronted about his behaviour he stated "what`s the problem is good stuff".  On one occasion Collins was out drinking in Soho when a ginger cat walked past Collins allegedly said "look at that ! looks a bit of alright"  Collins associate Richard Fairbrass from Right Said Fred looked astounded at Collins remark.  On a day trip out to Hackney marshes Collins spotted a hamster and immediately chased after it, but after 60 second Collins collapsed and an ambulance had to be called, during his brief stay at the accident and emergency unit Collins attempted to scratch a police officer after the officer who was questioning Collins about his strange behaviour made a sarcastic remark about Collins attempting to emulate the infamous Richard Gere incident, but Collins denied the allegation and claimed that he was hungry.